It's wrong, but I'm blessed

It's not that I blame you for everything that had happened.
I'm not blaming myself either.
I'm blaming nobody.

I just don't understand about these things.
I don't know how.
It just happened.
Unconsciously, unexpectedly.

I'm not regretting it.
I feel blessed that I had this kind of experience in my life.
The experience of making a wrong story.
Making a wrong decision.
Having a wrong feelings to a wrong person.

Empty - The Click Five

Tried to take a picture  

Of love 

Didn't think I'd miss her 

That much  

I want to fill this new frame  

But its empty 

 
Tried to write a letter  

In ink  

Its been getting better  

I think  

I got a piece of paper  

But its empty

Its empty 

 
Maybe we're trying 

Trying too hard  

Maybe we're torn apart  

Maybe the timing  

Is beating our hearts  

We're empty 

 
And I've even wondered  

If we  

Should be getting under  

These sheets  

We could lie in this bed  

But its empty

Its empty 

 
Maybe we're trying  

Trying too hard  

Maybe we're torn apart  

Maybe the timing  

Is beating our hearts  

We're empty 

 
Oh oh  

Oh oh  

Oooooh  

Oh oh  

Oh oh 

 
Maybe we're trying  

Trying too hard  

Maybe we're torn apart  

Maybe the timing  

Is beating our hearts  

We're empty 

 
Maybe we're trying  

Trying too hard  

Maybe we're torn apart (We're empty)  

Maybe the timing  

Is beating our hearts  

We're empty

Rasa - Mayellus Gala Yudhatama

apakah kau tak melihat ku

yang slalu ada di sisimu

aku yang selalu temanimu

lewati hari-harimu

apakah aku tak berharga?

kau tinggalkanku tuk bersamanya

apakah aku tak kau cinta?

aku terluka

t'lahku relakan

cintaku yang dulu

agar aku bisa

dekat dan jadi milikmu

tapi ternyata

kau berubah selamanya

kau tak pernah ada

tak seperti yang ku kira

karna kau tak lihatku

karna kau tlah tutup hatimu

karna kau tak ingin ku ada

andai kau melihatku

Love..?

"apa sih love itu? lu tau dari mana kalo itu namanya 'love'?"

"dunno. well, if I can't say that this is 'love', now let's just say that this is just a 

random-strange-unnamed-feeling."

"yeah. I like that sentence"

*just a random conversation with a boy :)*

Pangeran

Sia-sia
Ya, semua yang telah ku lakukan,
Untukmu
Sia-sia belaka

Tak kau pandang bagaimana usahaku
Bukan untuk meminta kembali
Bukan.
Hanya sekedar penghargaan

Aku bukan boneka
Yang bisa kau ajak main, saat kau ingin
Dan kau buang, saat kau bosan
Bukan boneka.

Aku manusia
Seorang gadis yang merasa telah menemukan pangerannya
Pangeran yang ternyata pangeran semu
Pangeran yang menecewakan

Ku tahu aku salah,
Tapi apa daya?
Perasaan tak kunjung pergi
Pangeran sejati tak kunjung datang

Aku lelah, lelah menanti
Lelah untuk bersabar
Lelah mencoba memahami
Aku hanya lelah

Ku doakan kau
Agar berhasil mendapatkan putri kecilmu
Yang mungkin akan mau berkorban lebih besar
Dari yang telah ku lakukan untukmu

Atau justru, tidak memandangmu
Seperti aku memandangmu,
Seorang pangeran
Meskipun mengecewakan

AngelikaTessaCornelia

8:47 PM

19/03/2013

Kata Hati

Perasaan ini
Kian lama kian membesar
Semakin jelas pula
Arah dan tujuannya

Membahagiakanmu.

Ya, itu saja
Tak harap lebih
Tak harap kembali

Perhatianku, untuk memastikan
Bahwa kamu tak kesepian
Peduliku, untuk memastikan
Bahwa kamu baik-baik saja

Bohong.
Bohong kalau aku tak mencintaimu
Bohong kalau aku tak merindukanmu
Kalau aku tak menyayangimu

Mungkin bagimu, perasaan ini salah
Dari awal juga sudah salah, menurutku
Tapi aku hanya mengikuti kata hati
Untuk ada di sisi

AngelikaTessaCornelia

8:15 AM

19/03/2013

Modul Jerman IV

Karma?

Mungkin ini yang namanya karma. Gue frontal aja. Satu orang ini, entah apa alesannya, gue bisa sayang se sayang-sayangnya. Mungkin malah lebih besar rasa sayang gue ini daripada sama mantan gue. Gak tau juga, padahal waktu pertama kali gue mulai sayang sama dia, dia masih punya cewe. Tapi anehnya, gue gak pernah bisa stop loving this guy no matter what. Nah sekarang, dia udah putus sama cewenya. Kalo orang yang gak tau apa-apa tentang cerita gue, mungkin bakal bilang "Lu harusnya seneng dong woi dia udah putus!", "Udah, tancep gas aja. Udah single ini" dan segala macem lainnya. Tapi entah kenapa juga, gue gak bisa seneng. Walaupun secara status dia udah gak sama cewenya sekarang, tapi tetep aja hatinya masih kesono. Tapi gak tau kenapa juga, gak tau juga kalo gue keGRan, suddenly si cowo mulai ngerespon gue. Tapi emang dasarnya gue orangnya kepo pangkat stalker, jadi gue tau ada isu-isu dia lagi di gosipin sama salah satu cewe di kampusnya. Gue gak ambil pusing, orang dia bukan cowo gue dan gue juga gak ambil pusing sama mantannya si cowo, karena dia juga udah gak pernah bahas-bahas lagi didepan gue. Lama-lama isu tentang si cewe kampus juga gak kedengeran lagi.

Anehnya, gue malah makin sayang sama dia. semakin dan semakin dan semakin. Makin bangga juga. Gue tau sih, dia bukan siapa-siapa gue. Tapi gue bangga aja, bingung kan? Sama. Gue juga gak tau kenapa gue bisa bangga sama dia. Tapi gue bangga banget, yah anggeplah jadi sahabatnya. Tapi anehnya lagi, gak tau juga kenapa, gue ngerasa gue cukup dengan begini aja. Dengan segala perhatian blablabla yang udah gue kasih ke dia, gue anggep aja sebagai buat kepuasan gue sendiri. Gue jadiin pengalaman. Tapi bohong kalo gue bilang, "Gak ada perasaan pengen di bales sama sekali". Bohong banget. Well, I'm not a very good liar. Jadi gue bilang aja, gue sedih gara-gara 2 hari ini, dia tiba-tiba aneh banget sama gue. Gak tau cuma sama gue, ato sama semua. Tapi gue berasanya dia beda. Ditanya kenapa, bilangnya gak apa-apa. Tapi beda. Gue juga gak bisa jelasin kenapa beda, tapi pokoknya beda. 

Gimana ya? Gue juga bingung sebenernya. Orang-orang banyak yang bilang "Gak mungkin lah dia gak ada perasaan apa-apa sama lu", tapi gue gak tau aja. Gue gak mau ngejadiin omongan mereka malah bikin gue berharap-harap gak jelas. Jadi gue antepin aja kan, dan sejauh ini, gue udah berusaha setengah mati buat ngejadiin dia "pelampiasan" perasaan sayang gue ini. Gue kasih dia perhatian sebisa gue, gue peduli sama dia  tapi ya udah, titik. Nothing more, nothing less. Gue gak berharap kembali. No. Gue sadar banget, namanya perasaan gak bisa di paksain, gue gak mungkin juga maksain dia buat jadi sayang sama gue, ya kan? Tapi gue juga gak bisa ngebuat perasaan gue ini berubah dan gue gak tau alesannya apa. I just do. That's it.

Hubungannya sama karma? Hmm..Gue pernah post di blog gue sebelumnya, I dumped my ex boyfriend for this new guy. I'm not blaming them. I blame myself for making a stupid decision for a temporary feelings. Tapi ya, yaudah. Mau gimana lagi. Udah kejadian. Jadiin pelajaran aja. Ya gak? Sampe sekarang, susah siih memang buat "let it flow", tapi gue sok-sok ngeyakinin diri aja. I'm a tough girl :)

and I love you, Boy. I love you.

Everything That Means Nothing

I'm here, right in front of you
but you don't see

I cared for you
but you didn't notice

I tried my best to help you
in you hard situations
but you never realized

I'll lend you my shoulder
if you need a shoulder to cry on
but you never tell

I'll open my arms widely
If you need a hand
but you never ask

I opened my heart
just in case if you need a place to stay
but you never came

No matter how much pain I feel
All I ever want to do is
to make you happy

I don't care if you still love her
I don't care if you still think about her
all I ever care is that
I love you so

And I just want you to know
that I'll always be here
for you

-tessa-

7/3/2013, 9.00 AM

Ruang 1, UAS Sastra Indonesia

Imperfections..

I love you..

I care about you..

I give my affections to you..

All I ever think about is you..

All I ever care about is you..

All I ever worry about is you..

You..

Random guy that suddenly made my day..

You..

Random guy that came into my life, and fulfilled my heart..

You..

Random guy that boosts my mood..

You..

Random guy that suddenly knows me better than myself, sometimes..

You..

Imperfect guy that completed my life..

You..

Random guy that made me see the world, in a better way..

You..

Random guy that became my brother, yet a lover..

I just love you..

With all of your imperfections..

If only you know exactly how I feel about you..

Plain...

being super selfish..
super annoying..
super stubborn..

that's me these past 2 weeks..
but the worst is this past 1 week..
I cry everyday..
I get mad everyday..

being super sensitive..
cry over something sad, disappointing, upsetting..
everything..
I feel everything worse than it supposed to be.. 

bad-mood everyday..
being super random to everybody, everyday..
laying on my bed all day long, crying..

texting random people randomly..
that's weird, indeed..
I realize those are wrong, but I just can't control..

people tried to tell me..
I ignored them..
people got mad at me..
I didn't care..

that is a super weird part of me..
but since February has come..
something even more strange came to me..

I feel totally plain, about everything..
about those people that I used to think about the most..
about every kind of situation..
about any kind of pain..
I just feel plain..

plain...

Too Late...

I know it's too late..
I know it's useless..
everybody is telling me that I'm strong enough to face this..
alone..

everybody tells me to move on..
everybody cheers me up..
everybody believe that I'm tough..
but I don't..

I'm all alone, here..
pretending like I'm ok..
when I'm actually not..
laughing in front of people, but crying behind them..

I know I made mistakes..
and regret that..
I am terribly sorry..
I miss you and I need you..

there's no word to describe much pain that I feel now..
I just want you to know that I am sorry..
I hope that you might open your heart, someday..
just open it, and I'll come to you..

I am sorry, Ney..

Regretness

Here is the situation..

I dumped a guy, to whom I gave my whole heart..

But then suddenly, I made a mistake..

No, actually 4 mistakes..

But that guy always forgives me..

Now, stupid me..

I made my 5th mistake..

This time that guy wont forgive me..

I regret this..

Even more than before..

But it's too late..

Selfish girl like me can't get him again..

I don't know maybe this is what people call Karma..

I dumped him with all of his kindness..

And so when I realize that I need him..

I lost him already, like maybe forever..

I'm sorry, Ney..

-by: Tessa. 26/01/2013; 7:59; multimedia room-

A Little Too Not Over You - David Archuleta

Oohhhh oh, oh..
It never crossed my mind at all.
It's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
You're better off with someone else.
It's for the best, I know it is.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside,
And I turn around.
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you....

Memories, supposed to fade.
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go.
Didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong, movin' on.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside.
And I turn around,
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Maybe I regret everything I said,
No way to take it all back, yeah...
Now I'm on my own..
How I let you go, I'll never understand.
I'll never understand, yeah, oohh..
Oohhh, oohhh, oohhhh..
Oohhh, ooohhhh, oohhh.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
And I really don't know what to do.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you, oohhh..

maybe...

maybe I'm insane..
maybe I'm out of my mind..
maybe this is stupid..

but I think it's the best way I could ever do..
WE could ever do..

When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same

When our friends talk about you all it does is just tear me down

Couse my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It all just sound like oooooooh

Mmm too young too dumb to realize

That I should've bought you flowers

and held your band

Shoulda gave you all my hours

When I had the chance

Take you to every party

Cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby's dancin'

But she's dancin' with another many needs and my selfish ways

Caused a good, strong woman like you to walk out my life

Now i'll never, never get to clean up the mess I made ooh

And that haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sound like ooooooh

Mmm too young too dumb to realize

That I should've brought you flowers

and held your hand

Shoulda gave you all my hours

When I had the chance

Take you to every party

cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby's dancin'

But she's dancin' with another man

Although it hurts

I'll be the first to say that

I was wrong

Oh I know I'll probably much too late

To try and apologize for my mistakes

But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers

I hope he holds your hand

Give you all his hours

when he had the chance

Take you to every party

cause I remember how much you love to dance

Do all the things I should've done

When I was your man

Do all the things I should've done

When I was your man

Painful Love

I love you

you know that, exactly

it hurts when you're with her, indeed

it hurts when you start to talk about her

it hurts when you start to "compare"

it hurts when you're seems so proud of her

it hurts when i see you text her

it hurts when i see your display picture with her

it hurts when you put her name on your status

it hurts when i know you spend your time and your family's holiday with her

it hurts when i realize that you both were super close

it hurts when i see your eyes while saying her name

i don't know,

but it hurts me more when you start to ignore me...

it hurts me the worst

you might don't understand how it feels

you never felt this kind of pain, huh?

you never really understood how i feel about you

you never really cared for me

you never really thought that i existed

i'm nothing to you, right?

just a girl, hip hop dancer that dances with you

just a little girl that know nothing about love

just a little girl that can't truly accept the truth

that you love her so much

yeah i think i don't really understand what love is

since i feel that this love is this painful,

when i used to think love supposed to be something beautiful

Innoncence - Avril Lavigne

Waking up I see that everything is okay 

The first time in my life and now it's so great 

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed 

I think about the little things that make life great

 
I wouldn't change a thing about it 

This is the best feeling

 
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay 

This moment is perfect, please don't go away 

I need you now  

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

 
I found a place so safe, not a single tear 

The first time in my life and now it's so clear 

Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here 

It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

 
I wouldn't change a thing about it  

This is the best feeling

 
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay 

This moment is perfect, please don't go away 

I need you now 

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

  
It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming 

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling 

It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry

 
It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming 

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling 

It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry  

It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry

 
This innocence is brilliant, it makes you wanna cry 

This innocence is brilliant, please don't go away 

'Cause I need you now  

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

 
This innocence is brilliant, it's so beautiful, it's so beautiful 

This moment is perfect, please don't go away 

I need you now, it makes me wanna cry 

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

 

Love, Painful..?

"Love isn't painful. Loving the wrong person is."

Six Degrees Of Seperation - The Script

VERSE 1:

you've read the books, you've watched the shows

what's the best way, no one knows, yeah

meditate, get, hypnotized

anything to take it fromyour mind

but it won't, go

you're doing all these things out of desperation

oh, woah

you're going through six degrees of seperation

you hit the drink, you take a toke

watch the past go up in smoke

you fake a smile, you lie and say

you're better now than ever and  your life's ok

when it's not...no

you're doing all these things out of desperation

oh, woah

you're going through six degrees of seperation

CHORUS:

first, you think the worst is a broken heart

what's gonna kill you is the second part

and the third, is whenyour world splits down the middle

and fourth, you're gonna think that you've fixed yourself

fifth, you see them out with someone else

and the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little

no no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

no no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

VERSE 2:

you tell your friends, yeah, strangers too

anyone who'll throw an arm around you

tarrot cards, gems and stones

believing all that shit's gonna heal your soul

well it's not..no

you're only doing things out of desperation

oh, no

you're going through six degrees of seperation

CHORUS:

first, you think the worst is a broken heart

what's gonna kill you is the second part

and the third, is whenyour world splits down the middle

and fourth, you're gonna think that you've fixed yourself

fifth, you see them out with someone else

and the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little

no no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

no no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

BRIDGE:

oh on there's no starting over

without finding closure

you take them back no hestitation

that's when you know you've reached the sixth degrees of seperation

oh no there's no starting over

without finding closure 

you take them back no hestitaion

thet's how you know you've reached the sixth degree of seperation

CHORUS:

first, you think the worst is a broken heart

what's gonna kill you is the second part

and the third, is whenyour world splits down the middle

and fourth, you're gonna think that you've fixed yourself

fifth, you see them out with someone else

and the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little

no no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

you're going through six degrees of seperation

no no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

you're going through six degrees of seperation

no no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

(ooh oooooooh ooh ooh)

no no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

Hurt

Knowing that you're someone else's, it hurts me.

Remembering about our memories.

How you've been treated me before, and now.

It's like a huge difference.

Well, actually I don't know if it's just me that being sensitive.

But it hurts me tough.

Even when I saw you're texting to someone I don't know, it hurts me.

I don't understand what's wrong with me.

This feeling I can't deny.

This situation I don't understand.

It's just being too complicated for me.

You might just say "let it flow".

And even myself wants to let it flow.

But my heart just can't.

You know, I did try my best not love you.

Just to accept you as my brother.

But see, everytime I try, it makes me sad.

Yes, I try to hide it from you.

You don't have to know that I'm hurt.

I want you to be happy.

But I don't know, do I have to hurt myself to make you happy?

Once they said, "love is when you're happy to see someone that you love is happy".

Well, I don't even know if you're happy with this kind of situation.

I want to read your mind so bad.

So I will had a clue about what I'm supposed to do.

Dear darling, brother, bestfriend.

I'm sorry that I can't deny this feeling.

I can't even control it.

I'm so sorry, if my feeling puts you in troubles.

Just tell me what to do, and I'll try my best to do it.

I'll try.

But I don't know if I can.